This blog is about the spiritual journey

Posts tagged “love

Remembering Chris

Today marks the 13th anniversary of my son’s passing.  He died while rock climbing in Yosemite National Park when he was twenty-five.

I remember the year leading up to Chris’s death. Beneath all consciousness, the mystery appeared to prevail. He had visited relatives across the country and had collected his belongings from others. The weekend before leaving for Yosemite, he visited with old friends at the martial arts school that had helped him grow up. Those who saw Chris that year recall his joy, peace, and love.

Looking back, it’s as though, even as Chris lived with all his heart, the Earth couldn’t hold him.  He was two when, on the eve of the birth of my daughter, he discovered stars. It seemed in that moment that a light went on inside him, which throughout life grew ever brighter.  As I wrote in the book Freedom To FallI thought that Chris, if given the chance, would not go back and do anything differently. From the earliest age, he was always breaking out into new territory, new heights, new vistas—new realms of freedom.  You could cherish Chris, but you couldn’t contain him….  

I take comfort in knowing that Chris is where he is supposed to be.  I know not what he is up to, how he serves God.  Only that the love we had is the love we have and the love we will always have. The saving grace in loss is the soul’s endurance.

Chris was a shining example to many whose paths he crossed.  May this day be a reminder that he is with us still, even as his journey (and ours) continue on.


Communicate with Carol or order a book via her website,





Forgiveness sparks the soul—

when, in surrender,

I find strength to freely give

the love that God has given.


Love is for giving,

unencumbered by condition—

rendering blessed peace,

relief from stirring hunger.


May we truly spend this life,

with time still left to wonder

how forgiveness, humbly—

inspires the soul from slumber.




Turning from Presence, the path fades away—

until remembering, I follow,

intuiting how and where to step.


The wellspring rings eternal, finding entrance

as I peer through the entanglement—

to the radiance of fertile ground.                          


Presence lights the Way for eyes just awakened—

through the rowdy playing field,

up the still silence of Heaven.





In Remembrance

Today is Chris’s birthday. He would have been 38. Our love remains, a golden thread spanning the ages.

Chris journeys through the sheer glow of Heaven. A rock climber in life, he now climbs unbound.

Happy birthday, dear son. I feel your humble spirit and the holy heights that beckon. May you drink from streams of milk and honey and be garlanded with stardust. You have my heart, today and always.

Standing Still

Living from the wellspring of the soul requires standing still—to know the truth of its resonance and wisdom.

The soul is a wayfarer, bearing witness to experience, gently whispering:  Give life passage, living the freedom of love, holding the crossings of paths in light.

In stillness, the soul lifts into awakening. Through life’s fleeting nature, we traverse as one, standing our ground in God.

In Celebration

Eleven years ago, my son, Chris, died on a mountainside, pursuing his passion. On this anniversary day, I reflect on the blessing of his presence—God’s precious miracle.

God may take a life but never the love, which is the gist of relationship. What brings joy in another is invisible, eternal.

The light of Chris has known my grief and helped me heal. To become whole again avows our bond, while granting God’s calling.

Chris encourages me to live in essence, staying true to my vision. His voice has the tenor of life; he is a child of my heart.

I feel Chris close on his day of rebirth—in an aura of sacredness, in a spirit of celebration.

Reflections of a Son

On May 31, 2003, my son died in a rock climbing accident in Yosemite National Park. He was twenty-five.

After Chris died, I created a manuscript about his life, which included many poems. Later, the manuscript was culled into a book without poems. In remembrance, for the 11th anniversary of Chris’s fall, I am sharing a few of the poems.

Love’s Angel expresses the sense of Chris’s freedom following death. Growing Up and Reverie cast light on his character and love of life. The final unnamed poem reflects on my experience of loss as a whole.


Love’s Angel

Chris is Love’s angel,

such wealth untold;

I feel his sparkling Presence—

stardust turned to gold.


Love is not earth’s servant—

rather rapture on the wing.

Love flames mortal hearts,

then soars to hear seraphs sing.


Angels flit among us

like shining shafts of light—

Some linger but a moment,

then spiral into flight.


Away, away—

to Love’s sweet home.

I’ll know you by the ash

you hail from heaven’s dome.


Growing Up

Chris grew up and up,

an unwieldy clatter of bones

ahead of himself.

He was the tallest kid in class.


While playmates tilted

to tease or taunt,

he tied knots in their shoes,

and learned to laugh at himself.


At six foot five the kid settled in—

a slick, swift, lanky

gem of a guy,

though they say he couldn’t dance!

When others cracked up,

he’d jazz it up,

bobbing above the crowd.


Goofy or graceful, it was all the same.

Chris rolled with the rhythm of life.



Chris danced the elfin jig

under a crescent moon.

He leaped to touch the arc

of a rainbowed afternoon.


Live your life, forget the strife,

Whirl and twirl; be free!

The wind is heckling clouds,  

and the sun glitters glee.


Chris juggled feathers

strewn by wayward flocks.

He gazed on nature’s splendor,

whistling on the rocks.


Laugh and play your nimble days,

tread lightly on the earth.

Rain is clapping; trees are sapping—

My love is full of mirth.



Loss is loss of pleasure—

the pleasure of a tantalizing smile.

But what is loss compared to love,

when love is all the good worthwhile?


Through faith, miracles work

to rouse the tender twinge to wing.

Through loss I probe that deeper well

to tap the silent mystic spring.


When Chris was 14, he discovered rock climbing. His brave journey as a rock climber and my climb from despair after he died come to life in the book Freedom to Fall. To order a copy, click on the appropriate link above.

Carry On

My daughter has a favorite song that she plays daily: “Carry On” by Fun.  It is her source of inspiration in a time of recovery, while she is mine—  

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Beneath the surface, a voice is softly singing, enticing me to cast aside uncertainty and freshly mint my life: Carry on, carry on.

Accepting life’s conditions allows us to keep the creative spirit alive—from caringly attending to details to fervently expressing faith. To not spend time in overcoming but to use the gifts at hand, treasuring what we have.

The beauty of life is that illumined songs catch on. What once belonged to the creator belongs to everyone. What once were words of prophets become our own. 

I have a beautiful daughter full of light and love. A song inspires her life in trying times while she inspires mine.